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Monday, January 17, 2011

Public Bathroom Scares

Quick News: Another sale! YESSS! One more week till ABNA submissions start! NOOO!

Stupid Topic? Public Bathroom Scares.

There is something I dread about public places. And that is...THE PUBLIC BATHROOM.
It's not about the cleanliness. First of all, I am a guy. And, though I have never seen the inside of the women's bathroom, I can assure you that a men's bathroom is MUCH WORSE.

Just yesterday, I was at the urinal (or also known as...the waterfall of great relief...) and lo and I walk up to it...I step in a puddle.

Now, sometimes, it can be quite ambiguous. And my fears can be softened due to the uncertainty. Perhaps the flush was SOOOO POWERFUL that water may have accidentally and magically flown out. Or perhaps the pipes were leaking...and a bit of unlucky dripping occurred. But the ambiguity can only be applied...when the liquid is CLEAR. When the liquid is...( I dare not specify) a certain color, I proceed to scrape the bottom of my shoe all over the floor with fury and disgust.

But...again...It's not about the stains on the walls or the puddles on the floor. It's not even about the crazy people who look and laugh at you while you're trying to do your number 1 in pee--er, peace.
No, my issue lies with something else entirely. It's kind of due to my imagination.

You see...whenever I'm at the urinal, I watch my back. I listen for people walking through and glance over the shoulder whenever someone comes around. Why? I always have this fear that someone is going to slam my head against the wall or something.

It's really because of movies. Movies always use the bathroom as a battleground. And rightfully so, I suppose. After all, the bathroom is not monitored by security cameras, has easy access to water so you can wash away blood from yourself or fingerprints on areas you've touched, and last(but not least) bathroom are usually used as an ambush area because it is a place people let their guard down.
It's hard to "go" when you're worried about everything. The bathroom is place you have to relax.

If a rough and tough cop has to force an answer outta someone, it's in the bathroom. If a bad guy wants to ambush a good guy, it's in the bathroom.
Oh public you have become such a messy place!

So, yes, I blame movies. Every time I go into the bathroom my thoughts turn to bathroom brawls, where people smash opponents against plumbing, stuff them into toilets, and pipes burst, splashing water everywhere.