Current Sales Report

Total Sales of all my Books: 211 Goal: 100000|Thank you for buying my books. If you haven't bought one, go ahead and buy a book to make my day!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Confessions of a Serial Spider Killer

Good morning, everyone. Our current situation is...strange.
The Judge got one favorable review. However, downloads seem to be slowing down.
Yeah, it had to slow down sometime...but it's only been a day! And too many youtube videos takes a while to load. Maybe I'll keep those videos to a minimum.
Status (because we know you all love numbers):
Judge: 3549
Awake: 8319

I think Awake got more downloads because it was closer to Halloween(and somehow it seemed Hallo[WEENY]!). But it seems more people prefer The Judge, which should be right...I Coranite Chronicles is my main series. Awake was more of an experiment.

Well...let's continue with the main event in a piece I'd like to call:

I hate bugs in general. There was the invasion of which an army of ants stormed my room to escape a deadly flood. Perhaps retribution for all those years that I pretended to be their dictator (I was terrible at it. I punished them with the garden hose when they refused to obey me. And rewarded them with sugar when they were good.) At first ants were only minions to serve. But then they turned on me...and I'll never, NEVER look at an ant the same again. You don't know the TERROR of waking up...and all around...ANTS, ANTS, ANTS! Ants in your drawers! Ants in your pants! Ants on your bed! Ants on your window(well...maybe that's not really much of an issue)!

But I digress(don't we all?).

And then there was the infestation of which a hungry horde of moths lived inside our cereals! YUCK! YUCK, YUCK, YUCK! And no matter how many you kill...THEY KEEP COMING BACK! The madness wouldn't end. Every morning I'd wake up...and see them...the little evil monsters that hung upon the ceiling, taunting and taunting...! They'd lay eggs in the cereal and let the larva hatch and eat and cocoonify (I don't think that's a word) and THEN SPROUT WINGS AND FLY TO THE HEAVENS WHERE I CAN WATCH IN HORROR AND PLOT THEIR DEMISE--

But I digress again(sorry about that).

Ugh...why I am talking about bugs? I don't know. I hate them so much. Just sitting here typing this makes my blood boil.

So perhaps there is regret...when in the end...I am also...A CEREA--SERIAL SPIDER KILLER! After all, don't they teach you when you're young to love spiders(is that true? I don't know.)? Spiders are your friends. They eat bugs. But...aren't they bugs themselves? Other things...perhaps cuter bugs too! Like bats(I think bats are cute). Or...well forget about that. Anyway, here's my random(very fake and crappy) speech:

"Ah, dost thou hear that? I do not. No, we hear not. For they are not to be heard."

"I see it, I see it. The blackest, vilest monster to roam the recesses of this great hall. The shelters them. The unveils them! Shine your light, o' weary man--lest you fall prey to their threads of deceit and villainy!"

"O' vile creature...a thorn in my heart...why dost thou seek my hatred? why dost thou enrage my soul! O' my soul within cannot bear the very image...of you...the dark ones who creep in the night, who make there homes to ensnare.

"O' blood sucker...a dagger in my own mad thoughts...why dost thou stir my wrath? I do not hate thee...vile creature, for the greatest hate is for thine image. Leave! Begone! O' despised one, Begone! And you shall live to see another fair, beautiful day. If thou remains...your guts...your blood...THEY SHALL BE SMITED!"

Well...that was weird.