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Monday, November 29, 2010

Happy...Cyber...Monday? (And my ways of dealing with a Post Apocalyptic scenario)

That website's working again. And I know how much you all missed the stats from yesterday(I know, I know, nobody cares  :( ) here we go:
Judge: 8257 - Aw, now we can't compare on a day by day basis. But between the two days, about 600 up. A slow drop again? Bummer.
Awake: 9799 - almost 10,000!

Anyway, now on the pointlessness. Today is Cyber Monday! To be honest, I've never heard of cyber monday. Nobody I know has ever told me, "Hey, Happy Cyber Monday!" But then again, nobody really celebrates Black Friday either...because they're not holidays to begin with! What exactly are they if they aren't holidays? Shopping days apparently. While people storm the stores in the wee hours of the morning on Black Friday, sacrificing life and limb to get GREAT savings, people just sit at home...clicking away at their computers on Cyber Monday. Convenient. Deals are okay too. I mean, sure it doesn't go as low as Black Friday, but still you might get things 40-50% off. So there you have it, another day in the guise of a holiday...only to just be a SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY(as if we haven't spent enough over the weekend) day.
Depressing for the wallet (and whatever you hold money in), but perhaps good for the economy?

And now for the main event: My ways of dealing with a post-apocalyptic world. [BACHELOR EDITION]
Picture courtesy of Fall Out 3.

You've watched them in movies. You've played them in games (pretty popular theme as you can see above). But what would you do in a post-apocalyptic world? What if computers deemed humanity as a parasite to the Earth(Matrix, Terminator, I, Robot)? What if World War 3 starts and nukes are fired all over the Earth?

Today's topic: Food. Every post-apocalyptic bachelor knows that in order to survive in such a need food(and you need food all the time)! Of course the tricky thing is not to eat food, but to acquire it. If you're smart (and perhaps a bit crazy) you'd already have stocked up on supplies regardless.

1) So...first of all: Preparation. Before the apocalypse happens (i.e. TODAY) What kind of goods would be good (...) to stock up on? We need stuff that lasts. And bachelors are the experts in this category.
a) Canned goods - spam, baked beans, soups, tuna, fruits, pasta. These are OUR food groups. You can get some pretty yummy stuff canned. Although canned vegetables are kind of...not that great. I see some good sources of protein here.
b) Cup-a-noodle, Ramen noodles - People rag on this stuff because it's mostly oil, salt and carbs. But while it may be considered kind of bad in everyday life, it's great food for surviving the p-a world. Combine it with some canned food, and you've got yourself an awesome meal! Plus, you don't even have to cook it if you're desperate and don't have time to make a fire. Just eat it raw (it tastes much better cooked).
c)  Cat/Dog food - I've never eaten it myself. But I can't see how this wouldn't be fine. Some are canned, but you've got some nice dried versions as well. Hey, you've got to survive. And it can't be too bad. Besides. You're a bachelor. Cooking or no cooking, you'll survive on anything.
d) Grains - Cereal lasts. Assuming you can't get any milk (well, I guess you could try to start a farm, but not sure how well that would turn out), you can just eat it. And it'll taste better than dog food and dried ramen.
e) Sealed food - almost like canned...except not in a can!It comes in a plastic container. Just heat up (or not) and enjoy.
f) Jarred food - Pickles? Peanut Butter? Okay, so some of those things are more of spreads for foods. But due to their edible status, I'd say..go ahead and eat a jar of peanut butter if you've got nothing else.
g) Bagged food - Potato chips for a meal? Hey, it's like eating a potato...actually, it IS eating a potato.
h) Frozen food - Wait a minute! If we don't have electricity (and a possible nuclear winter might make solar power less effective), how are we going to keep our food frozen? Simple. Go live in either the north or south pole.

2) So you've got all that yummy dog food stocked up. Now what? Let's say the world ends tomorrow (no more stats?!).  You want to save as much food as you can. The next step is to start practicing your hunting skills.
It's a dangerous world out there. Due to radiation, all creatures have become butt-ugly mutants that resemble pig fetuses. How can you tell what's good to eat? Do you go for the chicken with two heads? Or the cow with five butts? I'm assuming the laws of nature will still apply, regardless of how disfigured everything is. So here are some basic tips when hunting for food.
a) Always cook it! Be on the safe side.
b) Avoid bright colored and spotted and striped creatures
c) go more for herbivores. why? it's tradition. deers, rabbits, chickens, cows...what do they have in common? besides, if that goat is man-eating, you wouldn't want to take your chances.
d) Always test the food first - take a bite. wait a day. if you're feeling fine, that food is good to keep on hunting for.
e) keep a record of safe creatures to eat
f) make sure you have benadryl on hand. even if something isn't poisonous to eat, you never know if you'll get an allergic reaction.

Anyway, I've gone on long enough. Enjoy your Cyber Monday!